Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I think I'll stick with Mr. Scissorman's titles. I can't think up a good one for this post anyway. I was never like the Skeptic. Or Jack, I guess I should just call him Jack.

He's dead, by the way.

Guess I should explain what happened. Well, as you can probably guess from when our friend from the Panopticon went insane, the Slender Man showed up. Everyone went pretty much crazy and started to run -- except for me, Tom, and Jack, who were tied down and couldn't move a goddamn muscle.

And then our pal from the Panopticon decided to switch sides and join with Slendy. Went up to the Slender Man, his head all bowed, and declared his allegiance.

The Slender Man cut his throat and then proceeded to carve him up like a turkey. I guess he doesn't like it when someone says that he doesn't exist.

And then Jack's chair broke. I know what you are thinking: what a deus ex machina. But stupid Scissorman tied us to Jack's own chairs, so apparently Jack knew exactly where to apply pressure in order to break it. Talk about crazy prepared.

Anyway, Jack crawled over to us and started to untie our ropes. Slendy was busy pulling out Scissorman's insides, so it seemed if we rushed, we could possibly leave without getting the same fate.

Except Jack couldn't walk. He told us that Sam -- the Scissorman -- had shot him in the legs. No more running for him.

"I'll just slow you down," he said like this was some sort of stupid action movie.

"Tom can carry you," I said. "Let's just go!"

"No," he said. "I have to face him. I have to face my fate."

I may have punched him when he said that. But he wanted to stay. "Go," he said, "I have an impossible promise to try and keep." He took my hand and slipped something into it.

So we left. We ran and ran and ran and when I finally looked back, there was nothing following us.

Tom's gone somewhere else now. He just slipped away, the way he usually does.

I'm all alone again.

I looked in my hand and found the note he put there.

This is one of those emergency ‘If you're reading this, then I am dead' notes. I'm sitting on bed now, recovering from whatever illness I had, knowing I won't have the courage to give it to you. 
There are so many things I have not said. But this was the hardest: I know why you run. I know when you were younger, your twin sister was taken from you. Kidnapped by the Slender Man. She was one of the children I tried to find. She was one of the faces I saw on the trees.
I have never seen any faces afterwards. None except yours. 
This was why I chose you. Because your face reminded me of all the faces I could not see. Without you around, I would have been surrounded by faceless people, a world of Slender Men and Women, and I could not stand that. You gave me a face to hold on to. 
And so I'm sorry I have to leave. But it's a choice and, even if it might be the wrong one, it's the one I'm making. We all need to make our own choices. 
I know, by the time you read this, that I will probably be dead by the hand of the Slender Man or the Plague Doctor or some other entity that exists. But I want you to know this: there are many regrets I have in my life. 
Meeting you is not one of them. 
Have a good life, Peri.

- Jack

I have many regrets, too, Jack. More than I can count. But knowing you isn't one of them either.

I don't think I can write any longer. Not here anyway.

Goodnight all.


 - Peri

(Brain Damage)

i pledge allegiance to

the slender man

of the united states of slenderica

and to the monster for which we stand

one purpose under god


for liberty

and justice

for all

(Any Colour You Like)

mr nothing is here. i can see him. can i?

No he's not real. He's just an idea. Get it right.

of course hes real. hes mr nothing. hes made of nothing. nothing at all.

No, he's a meme-complex. He's not there. Look, I can try to touch him and my hand

My hand

my hand

myhandcanfeelsomething oh god

see hes real hes mr nothing cant you see?

my mind is screaming why am i still typing why don’t I run or get out of here please let me out let me out

hes mr nothing. hes nothing at all.

What are the others doing? Are they leaving? Don’t leave me! Don’t go! Goddamn you! I’ll kill you all!

run rabbit run run from mr nothing

What are you? Why are you typing?

i'm the scissorman. dont you remember?

Yes, I remember. We saw him and we


we became the Scissorman.

the door flew open and in he ran





slender man

(Us and Them)

We arrived and took them by surprise. It wasn't that hard. And now here they all are. All tied up and helpless.

A steady supply of curses flowed out of Peri's mouth. I'll admit, it's impressive. She has the vocabulary of a stevedore. Tom, on the other hand, hasn't said a word. He's as quiet as a mouse -- a mouse that has a perpetual grin on his face. It's kind of creepy. But whatever. I've faced worse.

"Now that we're all together," I said, "it's time to finish this thing. Jack, you're coming back to work for us. You can even have Peri and Tom here as your assistants."

Peri responded to this suggested with a glob of spit that I just barely avoided. Girl has the aim of a sniper. I think I'm in love.

"No," Jack said, "we can't work for you if we don't believe in your counter-meme. Otherwise, what's the point, right? You're going to make us believe first, aren't you?"

"You know me so well," I said. I walked around them. "You see, I'm going to do when Jack here did for us. I'm going to give you a reason."

"I already have a reason, jackass," Peri said.

"Survival isn't a reason," I said. "It's a response. It's an instinct. You can't live on instinct alone. You need something to live for. A purpose. Jack here gave us our purpose. And I bet he tried giving you one as well. 'The invincible summer.' Has a nice ring to it, but I prefer 'This is the best of all possible worlds.' Sounds much better." I walked around them in a semi-circle. "Now, some of our methods may seem barbaric, but it really is for the best. You'll thank us after this is all over, I guarantee."

"Fuck you," Peri said.

"Stop this," Jack said.

"Forth from my sad and darksome cell," Tom said. "From the deep abyss of Hell, Mad Tom is come to view the world again to see if he can ease his distemper'd brain.."

I looked at him. "What's his deal? Why did you bring him on board again?"

"He's..." Jack paused and looked at Tom. "...unpredictable."

"Nonsense," I said. "Everyone's predictable. He just shouts nonsense. I bet you like that, Jack, with all your quotes."

"Fear and despair pursue my soul," Tom said. "Hark! how the angry Furies howl!"

"Yeah yeah," I said. "I'm writing this all down, you know. It's so very amusing."

"Pluto laughs, and Proserpine is glad," Tom said, "to see poor naked Tom of Bedlam mad.

"Sam," Jack said, using my real name. "Get out of here. Get out now. Something's coming. Tom can feel it."

"Yes, I'm sure," I said. "Poor Tom is crazy and you know it. Nothing is

Nothing is


no thing

what is that

thats not real its not real not real not real not real

nothing is here nothing is here nothing is here




with his pale face and dark suit

mr nothing is here


Now, you might be wondering why Peri and Tom O'Bedlam were still at Jack's house. You may not know this, but when you go on the run from an imaginary monster, you may not have that much money, so you there are not a whole lot of places to stay.

I mean, some of the runners we saw we found were sleeping in their cars and if they couldn’t afford a car, they were sleeping on the streets. Alleyways, parking garages, public restrooms. They suffered from malnutrition and very poor health. I mean, most of the "killings" of runners that are attributed to the Slender Man are just due to living on the streets. I mean, do you know how many homeless people die every year?

So when you come across a rent-free house, you tend to stay there, no matter if the owner is on the run himself. I don't blame them. Perhaps they even tried to carry on his work -- though without all that pretentious twaddle he was spouting, I hope. 

"We can give them a better life," I said to Jack on the way over. "We can give them new lives."

"Like the new life you gave to Adam Krug?" he asked.

"He was an experiment," I said. "You can’t make an omelette without, you know, killing a few people."

He was quiet all the rest of the way over. I guess he doesn't like omelettes.

 -- The Scissorman

(The Great Gig in the Sky)

"Time to get a move on," I said.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked.

"Home, Jack," I said. "Where else?"

"...home? My home?" He laughed. "And what do you expect to find there?"

I gave him a big ol’ shit-eating grin. "Why, your little buddies, of course. Peri and that crazy old coot."

The smile was wiped off of his face. "Leave them alone," he said. "They are not a part of this. This is just us."

"But there is no justice," I said, "if you’ll pardon the pun. And we need them to persuade you."

"Harming them will not persuade me to do anything," Jack said.

"Who said anything about harming them?" I said raising my arms innocently. "We just want to bring you all together for a nice reunion. After all, you did have that whole plan to war against the Slender Man, didn’t you? If we bring you to them, you can have your chance. You might even escape. You never know."

Jack gritted his teeth. "You’re not going to give this up, are you?"

"You taught us well, Jack," I said. "Time to go."

We loaded him up on our helicopter -- did I mention that we have a helicopter? It’s nice to have boatloads of money sometimes -- and took off. The sky was nice and blue. From here to Jack’s house it’s just a two-hour flight.

Here we go.

 -- The Scissorman


We stopped his bleeding, of course. We wanted to keep him alive. For now, at least.

But why? I hear you ask. Why not just shoot him? Well, he was one of the smartest members of the Panopticon, way back when. We could still use his skills. All we have to do is...persuade him to work for us.

We both want to same goal, after all: the eradication of the Slender Man meme. Only he doesn't believe that it's a meme at all, he believes it's an actual monster. Silly. The only monsters here are us, Jack.

"He'll show up," Jack said. "He'll come to kill me. Him or one of the others. Then you'll see."

"Shush, Jack," I said. "You're just being silly, now. No one's coming for you. It's all in your head. I mean, you told us yourself that it was a meme."

"I was trying to keep you from going crazy!" he shouted. "It obviously didn't work."

"Now, now," I said, "no need for insults. All we want you to do is join us again. Remember working together on those campaigns? All those political ads we did? Come on, it'll just be like that, but this time we'll be helping people."

Jack took a deep breath and then winced in pain. We had all the bullets removed from his legs and even gave him some pain pills, but not that much. "You're not helping people," he said. "You're hurting them. You're trying to make them ignore reality."

"Reality is pain," I said, "you know that. Isn't it better to ignore the pain? Pretend like it's not there?"

"But it is there!" Jack said. "You can't ignore it. You have to fight it!"

"Tisk tisk," I said. "You can't fight pain. It's all in your head, remember?"

"It's a stupid metaphor!" Jack shouted. "He's real! You can't pretend he's not! Doing that will get people killed!"

"Good old Jack," I patted him on the back. "Always getting worked up over the little things. Don't worry, you'll come around. We have all the time in the world."

Time, Jack. Time is all anyone needs to change people's minds.

 -- The Scissorman

(On the Run)

He ran and we followed. Of course we did. He was our creator, the Frankenstein to our monster. He gave us purpose. He showed us the way. And then rejected us for following it to its logical conclusion.

So he ran and we followed. Two months of running and we found him in a motel. With the monster we had created. With Adam Krug.

Poor Adam was tied to a chair and there was Jack the Skeptic trying to deprogram him. "You know who you are," Jack said. "You know what you saw. Ignore everything else, just focus on what you remember. What do you remember?"

"I remember," Adam said, "I remember...I remember a man...a man without a face..."

Jack let out a breath. "I know it's hard," he said as he patted Adam on the shoulder, "but we must never forget the truth of what happened or else we will lose ourselves."

"I remember," Adam said again. "I'm sorry. I’m sorry I att-attacked you. I just...I just wanted to make everything go away so badly."

"That’s alright," Jack said. "As long as you can remember who you are. They can never take that piece of you away."

Oh, Jack. Poor Jack. Wrong again.

The door flew open and in I ran. The great, tall, red-legged Scissorman. Only I wasn’t carrying scissors. I was carrying guns. Bang bang bang.

Poor Adam Krug died in that chair. Poor Jack tried to run, but a couple of well-placed bullets hit him in the legs.

And now poor Jack can't run anymore.

Oh, joyous day. This is the best of all possible worlds.

-- The Scissorman